A reader sent in a link to her blog today. She is troubled because she can’t forgive her parents–her mom gave her money for an abortion when she was a teenager.
It’s a tough one, this idea of forgiveness. She meanders through her anger and thoughts. But concludes with this:
If I refuse to forgive, if I refuse forgiveness, the pain remains. I’m still in love with the pain. My journey has brought many wonderful and grace-filled things into my life. I’m afraid that if the pain goes, I have no more right to them.
I thought that was an interesting concept: first that she is in love with the pain and second, that releasing herself from the pain by finding forgiveness might mean she no longer can access the good things in her life.
It seems to me that she may have problems with forgiving herself, not just her mother. Oftentimes people cannot forgive others because they cannot forgive themselves. They are exacting and demanding of others, because they are exacting and demanding of themselves.
I used to be like this. Maybe to a certain extent I still am, but as they say recognizing you have a problem is the first step to recovery… I used to be judgemental of others–but only as judgemental as I was of myself. I would wallow in guilt and self-loathing when I made a mistake, because my expectations of myself were perfection.
I was only slowly, slowly released from this attitude over a great deal of time. It took years. But today I can better embrace the imperfections in others because I can accept my own. (How this journey transpired is a faith story and is too long to tell here.)
Anyway, I wish this blogger and post-abortive woman every success on her journey. I think by writing this blog, she is likely already on the road to freedom.by